Are you ready for this?

This book was powerful even before I began reading the story.

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 09:31:00 -0400

I opened my book to begin reading on my way to work and was surprised to find written on the first page was my and my wife Julie’s names and a date, 6/21/09.

The date was the date the book had been given as a gift. The names were those who had given the book. The handwriting was that of my father — whom we lost last year on the 10th of July. There have been many days I have missed my dad, but this morning I did not expect to see him in the pages of a book. I saw the familiar hand in the form of my name. I ran my fingers over his writing and let the emotion drift from the ink on the page into my bloodstream and my memory.

My dad and I shared a love of books of history — real stories of people against difficult odds. This book —Tears in the Darkness — was no different, he had read it, and I had only recently taken it from the shelf of his home.

It was interesting to me that my dad had written our names in the opening page because that’s who my dad was. My dad was someone who did not want to forget the kindnesses done for him, even in the simplicity of the gift of a book. And it’s because of who he was that I got to feel the anguish of loss anew this morning. And though it was difficult to ride a train loaded with commuters pressed against each other while remembering my lost best friend, I remind myself that the reason a loss is painful is because the relationship was good, and I feel lucky for that even while it hurts.

I love you Dad and I miss you,
Doug

What does Google Glass say about who we are?

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 16:00:00 -0500

As I read about Google Glass recently, and what it does, I felt my heart sink. I thought; “Ugh, have we reached the point where constantly having screens in our hands is not enough? We have to have them in front of our eyes?”

Then… I saw the YouTube video, http://tinyurl.com/a4ucl95 and I was flat out amazed. It was fascinating and I could not believe that I was seeing technology that was available now — and was something which existed in the farthest reaches of imagination just a quarter of a century ago. I could see how easy it all is — how it’s another game-changer for the folks at Google. Easily Google Glass may become the replacement for our smartphones, our cameras, our tablets. I walked away from it all slack-jawed.

And then, after some time had passed I came back to where I started; “Ugh, have we reached the point where constantly having screens in our hands is not enough? We have to have them in front of our eyes?”

To paraphrase Dickens in the opening of A Tale of Two Cities. Google Glass is the best of us, and the worst of us.”

Musing and research on the Fiscal Cliff

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:02:00 -0500

Go back a year in time and put yourself in Congress.

You’re a Senator or a Congressperson. And you’re in a meeting where you realize that while you are close to some agreement on the 2012 budget, you fear that next year — (an election year with a lame duck congress) — you may not be able to reach a similar budget agreement. So you need to build in a safety mechanism if you will. Something designed to help the country because you, Congress, cannot get anything done. And it’s that safety mechanism cuts spending and raises taxes. But you need a name. Something the public and politicians can grasp. Something innocuous like “Safety Mechanism” or “Automatic Budget Fix.” But nope. You stood up in front of the country and all agreed “Fiscal Cliff” was a good name. Not one member of Congress has said; “Now wait a minute, I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a cliff…”

If it were me in the room, I am not sure “Fiscal Cliff” would have been the first thing I would have thought of, nor would it be a name I thought Congress — which can’t agree on what day it is — to agree on. But, nonetheless, here we are. They named it something that would scare the crap out of everyone on the planet.

I did a little research and found a few alternatives that barely missed the cut.
Here they are.

10. The Fiscal Shit Storm.

9. The Fiscal Mess of Epic Proportion.

8. Fiscal Lindsay Lohan

7. Fiscal Katrina

6. Fiscal Superstorm Sandy (More current and people will get it)

5. Fiscal Stroke

4. Fiscal Coronary

3. Fiscal Ishtar (Or for you young ‘uns — Fiscal John Carter)

2. Red Bull Fiscal Free-Fall from Space without a Functioning Parachute

(having a sponsor saves us some money)

1. Fiscal Anal.

Hmmm. Maybe they picked the right one after all.

California Primary? More like California Tertiary.

Fri, 04 May 2012 14:57:43 -0400

An open question for the people of California. If you’re voting in the upcoming primary on June 5, do you really feel like you have a say in the matter?

Imagine being from the most populous state in the union and the rest of the country has decided for you already who will be your choice for President. Because that is exactly what has happened. California is not alone, but I use them as an example because they are so big. Why have not heard a hue and cry from the people of the country which helped cement the one person equals one vote principle as a gold standard? In the case of the United States Presidential Primary equal is not at all what we have.

Why do you think every four years, Iowa, New Hampshire, Florida etc. all get into a media war over who goes first? he answer is easy — they know they have outsize influence, and they want to keep it. If I were from California I would be ticked off. What if you thought John Huntsman deserved a vote? or Michelle Bachmann? It doesn’t matter, what you think doesn’t count. Portsmouth, NH, Des Moines, Iowa, and Naples, Florida have had your say. And that violates the law or principle of democracy.

It’s high time we recognize the fact that the Presidential Primaries need to be adjusted. Whether the change means we all vote the same day, or the primaries rotate every four years to different states, we cannot continue to let the same states and the same people determine the President before everyone has a say. Unless, of course you like having no choice when you vote. And if lack of choice is appealing there are a hundred  options choose from; North Korea, Syria, and so on. Okay, maybe the last thought is a touch hyperbolic, but you get it. So vote on America. just not in California.

United or Untied States?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:11:36 -0500

A thought or two after the State of the Union Speech and the ensuing rebuttal. If you switch two letters around “United” becomes “Untied.” I began to wonder if that‘s what we have become, The Untied States of America.

Seems like one of the biggest problems we are having as a government and as people is that we are wishing ill on the opposing party as soon as they begin. If we have a Republican President giving the State of the Union Speech, the Democrats can’t wait to get on the air and say why every thought in the speech is patently wrong. And conversely, when we have a sitting Democratic President, the Republicans cannot wait to throw water on the whole thing. Last night the only thing both parties could agree on is that Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords deserved a standing ovation. And she had to get shot in the head to make that happen.

Just once, I would love to hear what the two parties agree on besides the fact that feathering their own nest is first and foremost for them, and in your and my best interest. The incessant name calling and rock-tossing has not united us in any way. Despite appalling numbers regarding the public faith in government, not one politician will look in the the mirror first, because it’s easier to look across the aisle. In fact, the problem is our politicians never look in the mirror, except to see if their “news anchor perfect” hair is in place.

A business colleague of mine once told me of a famous ad man (whose name escapes me) who used to carry a note in his pocket that said; “What if they’re right?” I was struck by this thought. Here I was thinking that this legend came up with ideas on his own, but what the note shows is that he became great by thinking AND listening. And by realizing he could be wrong. We need more politicians AND people to be willing to carry the same note in their own pockets.

Abraham Lincoln, one of our greatest Presidents, made sure to have a Presidential Cabinet filled with people who were not afraid to disagree. He did this to be sure he could understand both sides of an argument and to make an educated decision. And… he did this to unite a nation that had become severely divided.

Bottom line is this: Whether your party wins the next Presidency or loses, you should hope he or she succeeds. If he/she does.. we all benefit. Would it be so bad to be wrong if good were the result?

Here is a thought while waiting for the economy to recover. And the thought is population.

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 14:10:25 -0400

Today’s New York Times (October 27) has an article on the rather sluggish growth of the U.S. economy. http://tinyurl.com/6ynbgw6 Yes, believe it or not, we are growing. But it is slow.

A small snippet reads like this: “The stock market has rallied but consumer confidence has plummeted to levels last seen in 2008. That sentiment helped push pending sales of existing U.S. homes down for a third successive month during September, the National Association of Realtors reported on Thursday.“

It’s the last part of this quote that got me thinking. We often read or hear read about housing starts and sales of existing homes as a harbinger of a good or bad economy. But the question that no one addresses (at least to my ears and eyes) is; Are there enough people of the right age to buy the new or existing homes? I decided to check census figures to see exactly what the demographics are. here is a link http://tinyurl.com/5rqkwrm and a chart attached.Take a look at the growth of the population beyond “economy-driving” home buying age; 45+, and the growth of population which is at, or will be at, economy-driving home buying age; 18-44. During the last decade, the 45+ population has grown 46.6%, while the 18-44 year-old set has grown 9.6%.

Now I am no economic genius, but the math on this seems fairly simple. If the demand population (18-44) is not growing faster than the supply population, we are not going to be selling or building houses at a pace that can stimulate the economy.

Simply put; the fat part of the population has bought their homes, and in some cases second homes. And when the boomers age further and begin dumping their assets, there will be a glut of existing homes, leaving no reason to build new homes. And that is when the fun should really begin.

So let’s stop looking to the housing market as a measure of our economic prowess and be honest. It’s not going to get better any time soon on the housing end. It can’t. It’s math. So what do we do?

The truth is, there is really only one way to fix the housing market. We have to increase demand. For over two hundred years we kept making more kids than parents. Then, we stopped. We’ve got to make babies, and lots of them. Just like our parents did. So if we all get busy now, things will be fine in just about 30 years. Oh yeah, I know, I know, 30 years is a long time to wait. But it’ll be fun fixing this thing. Don’t you think?

I have the greatest respect for those who clean bathrooms

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 10:19:12 -0400

I think cleaning corporate or public toilets must be one of the toughest jobs on earth to handle emotionally. So I always make it a point to say hello to the people who clean up and be more than respectful.

But I feel particularly bad when the following moment happens, as it does more than a few times a year in our office; The janitor has just come out of the bathroom and the place has been sanitized and is sparkling clean. A lot of hard work for a really difficult job. The place looks and smells as great as it’s going to get. And what do I do? Piss all over it.

Just feels wrong.

Marketing and technology jump the shark

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 08:49:58 -0400

Okay, it has happened. The combination of technology and marketing has done what Fonzi did when Happy Days was a television show groping for ideas.

In a recent media blitz, Domino’s Pizza, Jess the store manager, and tecnology in all it’s wonder have pulled a Fonzi in 2011. If you haven’t seen these commercials, (and I don’t know how you could miss them, they’re everywhere) here is a link you can check out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5Q2Y2ZQ-4Y

What Domino’s has come up with is a way for us to order a pizza and then — rather than live a life (ex. read a book, have a conversation) while waiting for our $5.99 cardboard encased… er cardboard pizza, we can sit and watch the computer screen for the next 30 minutes to see what stage our pizza is in.

To follow is just some of what we can think while we stare lifelessly at our Pizza Tracker; “Is it being prepared? Oh and who is preparing it? Oh, I hope it’s Paul, he made my last one. Paul is awesome. Oh shit it’s Lenny. Lenny put too much cheese on the last time. Good Lord is it in the oven yet? ? Look it’s in the oven? Oh now look look it’s in the car on its way, I am so psyched. Except that there may be too much cheese. That Lenny sucks.”

And to top this pizza eating (and cooking) experience off, we can send a message to our pizza saviors at Domino’s and tell them what we thought of our pizza. I imagine the highly compensated employees of Domino’s similarly standing by after creating their $5.99 culinary masterpiece and wondering what I thought of the effort. “Please give me a good grade oh ungrateful, crappy-tipping customer.”

And like any cheap commercial, we’re not done yet. If you compliment your Domino’s pizza maker, your compliment just might get up on the big board in Times Square on today‘s reviews. “Oh gee I hope my nice words to my pizza maker in Melrose, MA gets to Times Square. I spent 45 minutes coming up with just the right words to describe my under $6 pizza orgasm. and that’s 15 minutes more than it took the pizza to get to my house. They can’t ignore the poetry.”

Now I know why we’re here. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve solved the economy. The Middle East crisis has ended. Iraq and Afghanistan are happy places finally. Congress is getting along. College is affordable. What else do we have to do? Let’s get to our phones. Call in an order. And look at the pretty lights on the screen. And hope that Jess is making our pizza. After of course she successfully navigates the jump ahead and the shark that follows.

Thousands of years of civilization has brought us icons of self-expression such as Keats, Kipling, Thomas, and Dickinson. And now from the walls of Luquillo, Puerto Rico, standing proudly alongside these verbal giants is... Jasmine.

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 11:08:24 -0400

What do people think when they see nuts on your tow hitch?

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 12:38:00 -0400

So I am on my way to work this morning, sitting in solid traffic on Rt. 93 with nothing better to do than stare at the vehicle in front of me. And what do I see hanging from the trailer hitch as a decoration? A ball bag. Yep, brass testicles. Dangling in all their finery right from the back. This is not the first time I have seen these outdoor specials, but this morning I had time to to wonder how exactly people come to think hanging a nut-bag on their car or truck is a good idea, and who are the people who travel with them?

For example, what happens when you‘re a woman who is getting picked up by a date for the first time and he shows up with his Truck Nutz (yep, that’s one company’s name for them) swinging away in the back as he pulls to a stop? Do you say; “ Oh my God Bob, I knew when I saw you on Facebook you were cute, but those balls hanging from your pickup tell me I better get ready to impress you or I might lose you.”

If you‘re a woman driving down the road and some guy ahead has the berries hanging from his hitch, do you think; “ Oh look! NutsI And those are the brass ones!! He spent some money on those. That’s the Sugar Daddy I’ve been looking for!! I need to drive past him and let him know I am interested.”

And when Bob pulls up out in front of your house because your daughter wants you to meet him for the first time, just exactly how do you react when you see the accent pieces attached to his tow hitch? “Oh Bob, nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you. Now let’s go to the back of your vehicle and look at your nuts. Oooohhhh. I see you’ve got the blue ones! Holy crap those things look real as the day is long. How much did those run you? I had a set of white ones myself but they were always getting dirty, and I felt a little funny washing ’em all the time.”

And no. I didn’t make the prior bit up, the nuts come in colors. http://yournutz.com They‘re even available in camouflage. Think about that for just a minute. You are the type of person who wants to hang balls from your vehicle, yet you go for the camouflage nuts? Meaning you want them to be there yet not be there at the same time. Or maybe you’re just a bit more shy than the guy who buys the yellow ones.

And beyond believable, is they even make little nuts for your key chain. Now I am no expert, but does it make sense that the guy who puts big balls on his truck also wants little balls on his key chain? These are just perfect to hand off to my mechanic when I drop the car off to be fixed. Here’s the keys… and… my balls. Take care of ‘em.

Amazingly this is a thriving industry. When you Google the tow hitch testicles, you have immediate access to a number of sites dedicated to the low-hanging fruit. And somewhere there is a company out there, and more than a few people I am sure who are making more money per year than you and I. That’s America. A lot of industrious people and a few nuts.

What’s in your wallet?

Thu, 12 May 2011 15:30:41 -0400

Have you seen or heard Jerry Stiller in the currently running Capital One commercials? Of course you have. How could you avoid him? He is everywhere and he is trumpeting the value of new-school banking. You know, “If you’re not banking with Capital One you‘re banking old-school.” And Capital One is “New-School banking.” And all the communications end with the now familiar tagline “What’s in your wallet?”

On my way in to work this morning I thought I would take a moment to see what “New-School Banking” really looks like. Today is May 12, 2011 and as of this date Capital One is advertising a 1.10% interest rate on their Interest Plus Online Savings. See the screengrab on the right. What they call 3x the national average. So when you loan Capital One $10,000 dollars for an entire year, they will in return give you back the whopping sum of $110. (And make no mistake, when you leave your money in a savings account, you ARE loaning them money. They use it to loan to businesses and make even more money off of your money.)

Of course, many of us do not have $10,000 kicking around, so for the $1,000 dollars most have in their savings, a “New-School” eleven dollars will be waiting for us as a year-end bonus. Imagine your best friend asking you if he can have ten grand for a year and next year he’ll give you it all back plus $110. Is that a good deal? Now I know the banks argument will be that you also get your funds transferred, and your bills paid, and all of that requires overhead.

Let’s turn that around and see what happens when the shoe is on the other foot. What happens when the bank loans you $10k? They sure won’t give you the same deal you‘re giving them. Have you ever heard of a bank giving you a loan at 1.1%? Of course not. A typical auto-loan will run you north of 4-5%.

While it may be true that Capital One is paying better interest than most, paying 3x crap is still crap.

So when Capital One asks “what’s in your wallet?” You can answer “Nothing much really.”

I see you have a red exclamation point next to your email subject. Now get rid of it.

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 10:31:00 -0400

I’m not saying you don’t have something important to say, I am sure you do. But you shouldn’t feel the need to put a screaming red icon next to the “subject” line in your email. In fact, it’s actually the subject of your email, and who you are in the pecking order of the business world that denotes the importance of your communication, not the punctuation.

Allow me to explain: If your email subject line reads; “the client just fired us” or “office closing early” most of us will deem that note of highest priority. Neither I nor anyone else needs a red exclamation point to reinforce the important nature of your communication. On the contrary, if your subject line reads “72-hour workshop invite” or “whose sandwich is stinking up the refrigerator?” then most of us will deem that email a low priority. If the email is from your boss or your significant other? Always a priority. If it is from a Canadian pharmaceutical company offering discounts on prescriptions, that is a low priority. If the email says “Microsoft is paying people $$” — low priority.

See where this is going? Email has developed its own form of Darwinism. It’s the natural order of things. You can’t take your Dodo bird of an email and get it to survive because it has a red exclamation point. And don’t try changing your subject line to red, that is also a no-no.

Have you ever heard anyone say “I didn’t read your email because it had didn’t have red punctuation” or “I am only reading high-priority emails this week, everyone else will have to wait.” ? Of course not.

Here’s the bottom line. It’s important if we think it’s important. And if you’re still reading this it’s because you’re interested, not because of any colored punctuation.

There. That argument seems satisfactory. I wonder if I should go back and add bold type to the really important words?

Commentary on the fine art of toilet paper seat-cover makers in public/corporate bathrooms

Wed, 09 Mar 2011 08:57:00 -0500

You’re out there, and we know you’re out there. I am talking about those who create seat covers out of toilet paper. And how do we know you’re out there? Well, to be honest, you’re leaving your design work behind. Whether you’re a one-sheet-at-a-timer, or you like to try to bend three or four straight sheets at once into a an oval to match the delicately curved seats of the commode, you are out there.

So here is the hypocrisy of it all. I am guessing that you T.P. furniture-making wanabees are germaphobes. And that’s okay, I understand that, we all have something to fear, I am not too fond of heights, so I respect the weakness. But this is what I don’t get — you walk into a stall, afraid of the microbes left by the person before you, but you really could give a crap (pun-intended) about the person who’s on deck. So the guy before you was covered in bio-hazards but you — you are Mr. Clean.

You build your paper-thin barrier and take care of business. But then you walk away? And what is driving that behavior? When you get up do you turn around and say; “Oh this particular seat design is so beautiful, it’s some of my best work. I am going to leave it for the next guest to appreciate.” ? Or are you so afraid of what could be in a bathroom that you won’t even touch something you yourself have been sitting on? If things are that bad, don’t go in in the first place.

When I mentioned these stall-deco artists to other people in the office, they all chuckled because they all have seen these Cottonelle Easy Chairs themselves. And based on the audience, this is not a male-only behavior. Apparently there are bowl-upholstering experts in the Ladies room as well. So what this tells me is that these people are leaving their artwork all over the place for all of us to enjoy.

Take note oh artisans of Angel Soft, We respect your fears, but for crying out loud, clean up when you’re done. If you love your work that much, take a picture with your cell phone and share it out on facebook or twitter. Just don’t share it with those of us who are up next.

I’ve been thinking. And so has Watson.

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 09:42:00 -0500

So Watson has beaten humans at thinking. And on the heels of that defeat comes news that medical professionals will be among the first to investigate the usefulness of Watson technology in helping physicians. http://tinyurl.com/6zn4qml

I must first say that I’m sure this will have some great benefit to hospitals, doctors, patients, and of course IBM. But the Watson development does leave me thinking, and maybe when you are done reading it will leave you thinking as well. So let’s chew on this. Bear with me here, I think it will be worth it.

I can remember the first time I saw a GPS directional system in action in a car. I was flabbergasted at its accuracy and helpfulness. Eventually GPS became a part of my cell phone service courtesy of Google. So now I use the GPS to go anywhere I can’t remember, or have never been to before. And — I love it.

But… a curious thing happened after I began to use the GPS. I started to notice that after I had reached my destination, and it was time to leave, I needed the GPS to get back to main roads. I did not remember all the landmarks or turns on the way in. What was happening was the GPS was affording me the opportunity to NOT pay attention to where I was going. It was doing my thinking for me. And I began to wonder if this was a good thing.

The Watson story left me wondering as well. If doctors and hospitals begin to use Watson to help them with diagnosis, is it possible that some will come to rely on the machine more than themselves? Could it be over time, that Watson, like my GPS — will allow them to not pay attention to where they are going?

Now I know physicians and IBM will say this is preposterous. After all, the MRI did not make medical professionals worse, it made them better. And the EKG did not kill people it saved them. And I certainly understand that argument. But… the critical difference here is EKG’s and MRI’s do not think. Watson does.

So after reading the stories about this new wave of computing, I was left with a quote ringing in my ears. A historic quote which may take on a different meaning in decades to come; “Watson. Come quick. I need you.”

Working from home? When we say so.

Wed, 02 Feb 2011 11:17:00 -0500

Privately I was hoping for another monster snowdrop today so I could just work from home and spend the day with my family. But it wasn’t to be. I shoveled out the 4-5 inches and threw it on top of the 6-foot piles beside my driveway. And although it clearly wasn’t bad enough to stay home, it did get me thinking about past blizzards as they relate to work and snow policy.

If your company is like any other in the Northeast, you have a laptop, and a smart phone so that when you are on the road, or at home, work can always find you if they need you. It’s 2011 and we’re all always on.

So when you are given these smart tools, (see: leashes) your employer is essentially saying they appreciate if you could work at night, on weekends, and in your free time with the devices you have been provided. And we can presume they believe the quality of work is acceptable as well.

But there does appear to be an exception. When it snows here in the Northeast, companies are famous for sending out the email missive which states that if you feel unsafe, you should not make the trek into work. But have you noticed that when too many people don’t come in the office on a snowy day there is another email? This would be the email which says that even though the weather is bad employees are expected to be in the office if at all possible. In other words, your employer is unhappy there is not enough people in the office and is implying that when you are home, you are NOT working. This flies in the face of when it’s the weekend or a weeknight, and you get an email from your boss stating that work needs to be done for Monday A.M. and you are expected to do it from home. In this case work is saying you CAN be productive from home. Hmmmm. Paradox anyone?

My how things change

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 09:28:12 -0500

When my generation was growing up, a common occurrence households across the country was parents coming home to find their kids laying on the couch watching television. The familiar refrain from our parents was; “What are you doing watching the boob tube? Why don’t you go outside and get some exercise?” Well, the answer was simple; we weren’t outside playing because we HAD television, our parents didn’t have the same luxury when they were our age.

I thought of this the other day as I was sitting on my own couch with my own kids after a long day at work, and we sat in front of the television. I was watching the TV, and they were occasionally watching it while looking at the screens of their phones and or ipods. So what did I say? “Why don’t you kids put down those screens and just watch the television.”

Funny how things change, but don’t. Right?

A news reporters guide to snow.

Tue, 21 Dec 2010 09:34:00 -0500

Every year in New England we have this thing called snow. It mostly happens in winter, and usually we get a lot of it. We mostly look forward to it. But also every year, the local news stations bring us the news as if we are all seeing it for the first time. So, I bring you nine rules to reporting snow — every time it snows — as seen here in New England.

Rule 1. If you are a news anchor, put on a sweater, or don’t wear your jacket. Apparently news stations figured out a long time ago that casual wear on television proves it is snowing out. An old multi-colored Bill Cosby-esque sweater from the late 80’s is a real plus. Ratings points spike for this look.

Rule 2. Send a reporter to the side of a local highway to stand in the snow, to show us it is there.

Rule 3. Bend down while on camera and hold the snow in your hands, show it to us in your gloves, Take out a ruler and plunge it into the snow to show depth. Addendum: If the snow is embarrassingly light, do not take out the ruler, just hazard a guess at how deep it is. Make sure you overestimate by twice at least.

Rule 3A. If its not snowing that hard where you are, talk about how hard it is snowing somewhere else. Otherwise people may not think it is really bad.

Rule 4. Find a state trooper and get an on-camera to talk about traffic and snow. Ask him or her what the driving is like.

Rule 4A. Be sure to get a different trooper every time it snows, as the questions are so insipid (i.e. what’s it like out here?), the only way to get a somewhat better than snide answer to your questions is to have a police officer who is just plain excited to be on camera.

Rule 5. Go to the local supermarket and show old people and fools stocking up on milk bread and eggs. Because the sun may never come out again. Either that, or we are all going to make french toast tomorrow.

Rule 6. Ask people at gas stations how their commute is going. Make sure these are not live shots as you may wind up interviewing an intelligent New Englander who tells you that its no big deal, and that it snows here all the time, and we’re used to driving in it. Addendum: A commuter in a ridiculous amount of winter garb, is best. If you can get someone with a furry hat that goes over the ears, there may be an Emmy in it for you.

Rule 7. Go to the sea. If you get the oceanfront shot, you are on your game. Show how boats are rocking in the waves and if you can get surf coming over the sea wall, you are almost guaranteed a spot in the news teaser. Wind and snow blowing in your face are a huge plus.

Rule 8. Never say “It doesn’t look as bad as we thought.” or “It seems to be clearing up.” These statements are ratings killers. There is more competition than ever and we need eyeballs.

And finally Rule 9. Get to the local hardware store and show consumers buying snow shovels. Because somehow, someway, even though it snows every year all winter long here in New England — a crap-load of us lose our snow shovels between April and December and have to go buy a new one.

Feel free to add a rule. If you think of one, click the “submit” button on the right.

Enjoy the winter new England. It happens every year.

Santa Claus as a pitchman...

Fri, 10 Dec 2010 16:11:00 -0500

What if every company who used Santa Claus to pitch their product or service paid the equivalent of a Screen Actors Guild (SAG) talent fee to a charity of their choice? Wouldn’t that be better. Honestly Santa is arguably one of the most famous pitchmen in the world, their getting him for the cost of a costume rental and a low-rent, overweight actor. And he is supposed to stand for good. So when a company uses his image to make money, it would be nice if they returned some money in the spirit of the season. Think about it.

I notice your calendar is open from 12-1.

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 16:57:00 -0500

If you work in Corporate America, you’re already smiling at this one. And you probably don’t even need to read it.

It’s the new way to be more efficient. Here comes the meeting maker subject: ”I see you‘re open from 12-1.” One of your co-workers has scheduled a meeting and surprise, the only time everyone is available is from 12-1, so that’s when the meeting is.

I have news for you. The reason we’re all open from 12-1 is that is L-U-N-C-H. We all have meetings with our stomachs, and our peace-of-mind.

In the past most companies office hours have moved from 9-5 to 8:30-5:30. Why? Of course you know the answer. Companies discovered that during the 8 hours scheduled for work, they were losing an hour to their employees stomachs. So someone came up with the 8:30-5:30 formula, telling employees that 1 hour of that 9 is for lunch. Seems reasonable enough. I get it.

But somewhere along the line we got lost. With all of our technology designed to make us more efficient; (smartphones, laptops, netbooks…) we still have enough meetings and enough to do in a day that many people feel obligated to create the lunch meeting. They even care enough to order lunch for the meeting. Nice touch. Now I have no excuse.

So what happens with your lunch meeting, is you’re now working 9 hours a day, and oh BTW, if you leave at 5:30 someone will give you the sideways glance and think you don’t have enough to do, because you’re leaving the office on time. I have even heard some make meetings for 7 A.M., because others are booked from 8-6.

Here’s some news from the rabble you lunch-meeting-makers. My calendar is also open from 10 P.M.- 6 A.M. Why? because I am sleeping. If you’re going to keep making lunch meetings, I want 9-5 back. We all do. We’re all already checking our email or voice-mail on the train, at home, and on weekends. Work is reaching every crack of our existence.

If you would like to talk about this subject, by all means, send me a meeting-maker. But when you notice my calendar is only open on Saturday and Sunday, before you hit send, I hope you understand why.

When Black Friday comes...

Thu, 18 Nov 2010 09:36:00 -0500

As Black Friday approaches and I read that Walmart will open its doors at midnight, I immediately felt for the poor bastards who would wake up on Thanksgiving morning and think to themselves; “Crap, I have to go to work tonight.”

When I was growing up there was a certain sanctity to holidays. Particularly Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years Day. These were the days where the entire country had the luxury of eating too much, and passing out in their easy chairs in front of the television with 24 hours to not have a care in the world, other than where they could find their “fat pants.”

As the last two decades have past, big retail has crept closer and closer to forcing their people to work on holidays. Most stores are now open New Years Day, and I imagine Christmas and Thanksgiving will be the next to fall, with each retailer opening earlier than the next to try to get an edge on the other until there is not time left to steal.

This habit of earlier and earlier opening leaves me with a couple of questions.

A) If we gave everyone the day off like we used to, and every store opened the following day of a holiday at 9 A.M., would we really buy less stuff? Probably not. Wouldn’t the lines form at 8 A.M. instead of an idiotic 2 A.M.? But as Austin Powers said, “That train has sailed.”— Sadly.

B) What on earth will happen when big retail is open 365 days a year? What will there be left to gain?

Now I know it’s not just big retail who is to blame, The nuts who are setting their alarms for 2 in the morning to go shopping aren’t helping the matter. If the shoppers would just sleep in for one year, the insanity would stop too.

Here is a definition for all of us. A definition that Walmart, Target, and those crazy people who get up in the middle of the night to shop have apparently overlooked;

holiday |ˈhäliˌdā|
noun
a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done : December 25 is an official public holiday.
• [as adj. ] characteristic of a holiday; festive : a holiday atmosphere.

Happy Thanksgiving. Unless you have to work.